I started my job at GAP today. As I sat and watched pointless videos on safety tips, my mind drifted. I couldn’t wait to leave. I wanted a bagel. Only I started a diet yesterday and Im pretty sure a bagel wasnt the best idea.
OH WELL. thats what plan B is for. I hate my outfit today. I studied everyone else in the store. I wish i wore jeans, I wish jeans were not the “forbidden” clothing of my terrible body image.
I imagined what it would be like to be average and wear denim, but my attention was quickly focused back on the fact that I wanted to lose 7 pounds..but still wanted a bagel
maybe some ice cream? …ice cream would be nice. They put me on Fitting rooms. HOW LAME. and such a torture. it was complete torture to be surrounded my mirrors, with the reflection of my imperfect body staring back at me.
It made me feel better when heavy people came to try clothes on. But worse when the skinnier people did. Where was i in that category? i wonder if people thought of me as thin or fat?
EVERYONE tried on jeans. It was like the carefully stitched denim was mocking me. Taunting me. I became angry at the clothes. Then a lady walked out of the dressing room and rudely pointed at what she left in there, and said “Theres some stuff you should get”
FUCK THAT .why should i get HER shit. i wanted to smother her with her purchases. But I, without complaining, cleaned up her mess.
I left the store to get emails on my phone with nasty comments about my blog posts. WELL BUDDY if you dont like my writing…i suggest you dont read it!
i need a nap.
perhaps some diet pills.
but most deff a nap
. 
