Don’t try this at home

i used to abuse drugs, this is about then. 

the first time is never the last time

smoke one cigarette seal your fate

      it affects us all different but for me, as for me

it was all to real and it came all to fast

you’ve never even asked me how it happened. how i felt.

i didn’t feel

used to feel

forget being high

being high meant being able to function 

      my dirty beaded satchel, piled high with pills

a float

pull out that beaten sandwich bag, 700 pills, stacked to the brim

I am the pharmacy 

i blew, i crushed, i chewed

it became ritual

it became me

three A.M. i’d be awake, sketch book in hand

but i never drew

the surface, so sleek, so black, was perfect for splitting my pills

my life

cut crush cut crush blow

begin to feel